The friendly skies

Airplanes are the safest way to travel, though you apparently have a 1 in 117 chance of having a drunk pilot. Fine. I had said before I went to NC that I missed thunderstorms, as there are none of those here in CA. I got thunderstorms on each of my first 3 nights in Greensboro, and then was able to take in 2 more on the tarmac at RDU. Nice way to spend an hour and a half. Consequently, I missed my connection at Dallas. Here's the good part.

I was one of 8 people trying to make it from my flight into Dallas to a flight to San Francisco, and the only who appeared to have run since the dot-com boom, so I sprinted to the gate to try to hold the plane, missing it by seconds. In retrospect, the bourbon I drank on the plane probably accounts for my sluggishness. No regrets.

People are freaking out. It's 103 degrees in Dallas, and Texas is the home of the president; both concepts hard for denizens of the Bay Area to swallow. All that's left on flights to SFO is standby, and if that doesn't pan out, you get to spend the night in suburban Texas; a prospect that really cheers the group. "If you can put me on a plane to Oakland tonight, I'll be a happy traveller," I say, thinking that Oakland was closer to home, and that many people are scared of that city, for many minorities and poor people live there. Some of them do not even speak English. The ticket agent smiles at me, looks up the flight, and prints out a boarding pass for first class, the last seat available on that flight. My trip just got better, and the people behind me (the non-runners) hate me. Time to go. After a visit to TGIFridays for a fermented beverage and a salad the size of a small child, I'm in a cushy seat with lots of free food and drink (hot towels, too), which I pass up in favor of sleep.

First class is a different world. Rules do not apply to you in first class. The "fasten seatbelts" sign is for the groundlings in coach; in first class, you get up to pee whenever that free chardonnay they give you tells you to. If you don't want to put your seat in the upright position, don't. No one will stop you, you are in first class. If the person next to you snores, stab them in the face with an ice pick. The flight attendant will hurriedly help you hide the body, while apologizing profusely for not stabbing the person before their snoring woke you up, you first class passenger, you.

Today I think my bag will make it to me, so I'll be able to use my regular hygiene products and recharge my laptop.